“You have cancer and you need to come in right away for surgery.”
I got the call the day I drove out of town for a week. I was stunned. A month earlier I had gone in for a skin check up and had biopsies done.
I had a small bump on my leg that had been there for years. I had a skin check up two years ago and the doctor at the time said not to worry, this is nothing. So I was pretty taken aback when this doctor for this visit said “this is something to worry about. It could be cancer.” I agreed to a biopsy. I mentioned there were two spots on my back that the other doctor had mentioned she was keeping her eye on. I said if you are going to biopsy me, I want the other spots biopsied, not just that one. It was so not like me to volunteer for extra testing, but my intuition spoke up before I could let fear tamper it back down. You see, I have a really big fear of doctors. Needles and pain, in particular. Like defcon 5 level of fear.
It turns out the spots on my back were pre-melanoma. It really hit home hard. A few short years ago, I had a client that I worked closely with, die from melanoma skin cancer. It brought back all feelings and the experiences that I had witnessed and had been part of that she had gone through.
I had a few different feelings. Gratitude that I caught it early. Urgency- “Wait! I’m not finished yet! I haven’t finished writing my book yet! I have more to say, to be, to do, more love to experience! W-A-I-T!” Back to breath. I slowed down the fear. I shifted into curiosity. “What is this experience teaching me? What does my body want me to know? What am I holding onto that I need to let go of? Who do I need to forgive?” I evaluate the source of dis-ease (fear, judgment, anger). Maybe it is me, someone else, or something I am holding onto that is not serving me. I do know strongly there is a direct correlation of what is happening in my body to what is happening mentally and emotionally. For me, the lesson is where do I need to call in more support (this is a big one for me!) My body has been one of my greatest teachers. This time is no different.
Can you imagine receiving a phone call like that? Imagine that you were given a certain period of time left to do what you feel called in your heart to be, do and experience. What would you make a priority right now? What are you not doing, right now, that you feel called to experience, to create? Perhaps it is to make yourself more of a priority in your own life. Perhaps it is to spend more time just doing what you love. Or to have more time freedom, so that you can live your life and love your life and business.
Sometimes this is hard to imagine, because we are not feeling into the preciousness of each day being a gift, not a given. We all can fall complacent to putting it off until someday. Another way I approach this is to ask your future self. Ask your 75 year old self. What were you glad you spent your time doing from now until then? What do you feel you missed out on and have regret over? Know that it is not too late to start doing today what you might regret not having done at the end of your life. One small step at a time is how to lead from your soul to soul aligned success! I have been having lots of what if chats with my 75 year old self lately. It’s been eye opening!
The past month I have been in for two outpatient surgeries. I did a ton of personal growth in this time. Faced my fears. Faced pain. Faced my shadow and being scared. At first, I judged myself. I judged myself for feeling so fearful and anxious. For voicing my fears and my anxiety to the medical staff. Here is what I realized- You can either judge yourself through it or love yourself through it!
No matter what your challenge is that you may be going through, know this- Once you can start loving yourself through it without judgement but with compassion, that is when you meet yourself right where you are at and you can work through it. Ask yourself these questions: “What is this here to teach me? How can I love myself more as I go through this? What would I want to do, experience or have instead? What is one small step I can take to experience a slightly better feeling?”
I am happy to report that all the cancer is now out! I am forever changed in my body, mind and soul. I am back with a renewed sense of urgency to go out and do the things that came up for me as a result of this that I have a deep desire to make a priority. I am now writing that book, talking more than ever about my mission to help heart centered women entrepreneurs to experience soul aligned success and a life they love on their own terms!
I would love to hear from you. Did you experience any ahas from this blog post? Let me know in the comments below!
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